


His Warmth

by kyukun



Series: The Oumasai Modern Adventures! [2]
Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Angst, M/M, Past Relationship(s), a lil fluffy towards the end, abuse tw, im sorry kaede, its 5am and the suns up im very tired, kokichi hides his feelings, lots of cussing, shuichis in denial
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2020-05-31 04:28:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19418482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyukun/pseuds/kyukun
Summary: He swore he wouldn't come back. He promised Kokichi he would make things better, he promised.





	His Warmth

**Author's Note:**

> tw; physical and emotional abuse mention
> 
> (i love kaede im sorry i know she isnt even remotely like this at all but i didnt know who else to write ;w; pls dont hate me ;w;;;)

His lips quivered, the insides of his palms weakened as his fingers remained clenched. This was the third time this week. Shuichi wandered the pavement slowly, carrying nothing but a bag filled with various clothes and the essentials. A few tears strolled down his cheek along the way but he quickly wiped them before more could spur out as his lips let out a heavy sigh. Shuichi was never one to cry often. Shifting his bag onto a more comfortable position on his shoulders, he bit his lip as his legs carried him further towards his destination. He couldn't believe he was doing this again. He couldn't believe he was going through such detriment that he felt he had to leave.  _ Again.  _ Shuichi walked up the stairs, the familiar railings greeting him again with the same coolness they've always had. The slight rust upon the rails waved hello at his palms as they converged while he stalked the stairs quietly, being sure not to wake anyone.

With an inhale, he dropped his hands underneath the same doormat that seemingly never moved. Shuichi looked around for the spare key, cursing himself mentally for the amount of times he's stayed here. He swore he wouldn't need to stay here again, he promised Kokichi he would make things better, he  _ promised.  _ As tears stung in the backs of his eyes once more, he got back to his feet as he pushed the key into the door. He pushed the endless thoughts of misery and regret in the back of his mind while his fingers turned the knob slowly. The door swung open, a smaller male greeting him. A weak smile spread across his lips, Shuichi lifted up his bag at the male. "Hey." His eyes stung the moment he spoke, his voice was hoarse from all of the screaming he had done previously. Kokichi's heart broke piece by piece as he saw Shuichi stand in front of him.

His body was trembling, the smile he had on his face was painful. Kokichi stood up, setting down the remote he had in his hand. Walking over to Shuichi, he frowned. "Hey, you. What happened? Are you okay?" Now standing in front of the trembling male, he gently stroke his hands. They were cold. Shuichi gave that same broken smile he did before as tears flooded his eyes the minute Kokichi caressed his hand. "Yeah… I'm great." Tears broke out like a dam, quiet sobs escaping his lips. Before he could even explain, Kokichi immediately wrapped his hands around his waist. He couldn't really reach his entire upper body due to their height difference, he was instead near the middle of his chest as his hands found their way towards Shuichi's waist. Rubbing circles around his back with his tiny palms, Kokichi shushed him quietly, repeating the phrases "it's going to be okay" and "I'm here for you" as his sobs continued. His heart felt heavy as did his shoulders. Everything felt like it was falling apart.

His chest tightened as he slowly wrapped his hands around Kokichi in return, burying his face into his hair. He couldn't believe how stupid he was being. He had Kokichi worried about him,  _ again _ . Again, again, again. The fact that this was becoming a repeated occurrence hurt him deeply. His mind was swarmed with thoughts of both her and Kokichi. Feeling both guilty and miserable for using Kokichi as some sort of sanctuary for his convenience, not giving a shit how he may have felt babysitting a loser like Shuichi. He hated he had to depend on his best fucking friend whenever he was like this. He dreaded that Kokichi took care of him and never questioned why he was there. He didn't deserve this, to be burdened by his company. Even so, he continued to sob, shaking with every cry. His eyes were beyond red and swollen at this point and he was probably getting snot all over Kokichi. Admittedly, even after guilt tripping himself, he was starting to feel calmer. He didn't like how Kokichi was so used to this by now that he had become so good at soothing him.

Sobs died down, those same sobs turning into gentle sniffles. "Your voice sounds rough, Saihara-chan. Let me get you some tea to help. Sit down for a bit." His voice was somewhat muffled as it was buried into Shuichi's chest. He felt the latter nod. A soft smile danced on his lips, that same smile poisoned his heart with comfort and grief as he stared into his puffy, emotionless eyes. Taking his hand into his own, the amethyst eyed boy led him towards the couch, wrapping a blanket around his body. "Want anything else?" His body was still, as if he was paralyzed. Slowly, he shook his head as he stared blankly at the T.V. in front of him. Was this even real? He didn't feel it was. He hoped it wasn't. His heart ached with every thought he had of her, the memories almost too painful to resurface. Kaede. That name left a sour taste in his mouth. Even having such feelings, he felt guilt. Kaede always hadn't been this way. She used to be so sweet, she was the home he could go to in time of need. Her arms were so comforting, they were like a blanket that he had within his reach.

She changed. Shuichi didn't know this Kaede. This Kaede was cruel, demanding, violent,  _ abusive. _ Her abrasive words cut through him like a blade. He clenched his fist, recalling every word she said to him. He missed the old Kaede, the Kaede Akamatsu he fell for, the gentle and kindhearted girl he loved. She became controlling and cynical. He curled his feet underneath him, the warmth of his body giving him comfort. He sat quietly, rethinking over and over. Was this really the right decision? She just needed help, that's all. Maybe he could fix her. Kokichi came back, tea cup in hand. The tea cup clattered a bit as it was set on the table, the noise bringing him back to light. "Drink it slowly. The honey will help soothe your throat." A sniffle escaped his nose as he steadily gripped the cup with his hands wrapped inside the blanket. "Thank you, Ouma-kun." His voice sounded dead, he didn't sound like himself.

Kokichi could do nothing but force a smile, his heart breaking with every glance at the broken boy in front of him. He shouldn't worry Saihara more by looking sad. "O-of course." He hesitated, which he wished Shuichi didn't catch on to. He helped the male drink the tea, elevating the bottom of the warm cup slightly. He had never seen Ouma be so caring. Whenever he was in the wretched state, Ouma never seemed to lie or make his usual jokes. It's as though he dropped his entire act just to comfort Shuichi. Did he really care that much? The liar would try and lighten up the mood by telling jokes which would ultimately make things a bit better. The nights would usually end with endless talks and constant reassurance on Kokichi's half. He always made sure he was safe and comfortable. While appreciating the countless acts he's done for him, he couldn't help but feel he was taking advantage somehow.

"How's your throat feeling? Does it feel better?"

"Yeah. Feels fine." He said, hoarseness in his voice seemingly becoming less and less apparent. Not sure if he was allowed to do this, Kokichi hesitantly laid his head on his side. He froze with a slight jump before melting into the tiny frame. "I'm sorry." He whispered, hanging his head low. Kokichi lifted his head, "For what? You did nothing wrong."

"For always burdening you. I'm sorry for always taking advantage of Ouma-kun's kindness." His legs were now placed in front of him, his head buried in his arms. He felt like he was going to break. Every bone in his body felt so fragile that the slightest movement would cause him to snap. "I'm sorry for always going to you. I'm fucking sorry I'm such a mess and have to depend on you. I'm so so fucking sorry I'm not a better friend and—"

"Woah, woah, hey. Hey, hey, it's—it's okay, Saihara-chan. J-just breathe, okay? It's okay." He wrapped his hands around Shuichi once more, this time from his side. He laid his head on his shoulder. He felt Shuichi inhale deeply, his chest and body rising and falling with every inhale and exhale. "Look. None of that is true. None of what you said is true. Saihara-chan could, and would  _ never _ ever take advantage of me. That's not you." He chuckled lightly as his eyes beamed up at the broken boy. His words were genuine, no denying that, but Shuichi couldn't fathom what he was hearing. Maybe he really was lying again, maybe his whole facade never dropped. "You're Saihara-chan! You're amazing, smart, kind, you're everything anyone could ever want." Slightly shaking Shuichi, he giggled as he gave his desperate attempt to cheer up Shuichi. The latter remained unscathed, his emotionless glare glued onto his face. "You're just lying." The heaviness he had felt when he first saw Saihara at his door had crept its way back.

"I'm not. I would never lie to someone, to  _ you _ , about something like this. Especially you. If it'll make you feel better, do you wanna talk about it?"

Shuichi bit his lip as he nodded with more hesitation than he would've liked. He shifted his body, turning to Kokichi who was now adjusting himself beside him. He looked into his eyes, searching for any sign of disgust or disappointment. Finding none, he lifted his sleeve, revealing several bruises and a few cuts. All of the color drained from Kokichi's face, his smile faded almost as soon as he saw the bruises marked along his skin. His eyes had begun to fill up with tears, "Why didn't you s-say how bad this was? Saihara-chan… oh my god." He covered his mouth to prevent a sob that so desperately wanted to escape his lips. "There's… more."

More? At this point, Kokichi was about to burst. He couldn't imagine someone like Shuichi, someone he fucking  _ loved _ , to be going through such horrific things. Shuichi dropped the blanket he had wrapped around him as he lifted up his shirt, wincing as his cuts brushed up against the fabric. He couldn't hold it in anymore. Tears poured over like a glass of spilled water on a countertop. Bruises and scratch marks covered his chest. His once pure, untouched white skin, now purple and tainted. His heart wavered as he reached his whimpering fingers towards the boy. He flinched as Ouma's fingers gently touched the bruises along his skin. "Oh my fucking god. I— Holy shit. How did this… how did this happen?" He choked out in between endless sobs. Shuichi grabbed Kokichi's palm, giving it a light squeeze. "Kaede… She's going through things right now."

"Going through things?! We're  _ all _ going through things, Saihara-chan. But that doesn't give people the right to fucking hurt others like this!" He screamed, tears forming puddles underneath him. Never in his life has he felt such hatred and anger towards one person. He hated what Kaede had done to him. He didn't deserve this. No one does. "I know, I know. Lately, she's gotten worse. First it was the arguments, that turned into accusations, then threats, and she finally caved and got physical. I-I don't know what to do, Ouma-kun." He hated that he felt guilty, he hated that he was the one trying to justify Kaede's actions even though he knew damn well that what she did is wrong. Kokichi tried to gather himself together to help, this wasn't the time to cry in front of the one who is truly hurt. "How could she do this to you? How could she hurt you? This isn't fair, Saihara-chan. It's not fair. You've done everything and more for her, and this is the thanks you get?!"

"She's sick, Ouma-kun. She just needs help."

"Damn right she does! Why aren't you angry? She's  _ hurt _ you, she's—she's fucking abusing you!"

"I love her, Ouma-kun. She loves me."

"No! This isn't "love!" If she fucking loved you, she wouldn't do this fucking shit to you." Kokichi lurched forward, embracing the bruised male into his arms. He sobbed into the nape of his neck, his warm yet cold skin meeting his. As the tears dropped onto his bare skin, Shuichi's heart broke. Ouma never cried, he's never seen him cry so much. He was crying because of him. Because of Shuichi, he was sobbing into his arms, clinging onto him like he was going to disappear at any moment. He stared emptily behind him, not quite sure what to do in this situation. His arms remained unmoved at his sides as he shook with every sob the purple haired male gave. He decided to let Kokichi let out his feelings. "Ouma-kun, I'll be okay."

"Shut up with that! You don't know how fucking hard it is to see someone you love getting treated like this." The sobs suddenly stopped, the two of them froze in their tracks. Ouma pulled away lightly, both of their eyes widened. "I—uh…"

"You—you  _ love _ me?"

Shit.

Ouma's face flushed red, both from the endless stream of tears and from his confession. His heart raced as he stared into Shuichi's eyes. This was so wrong and stupid. He was dumb for confessing at such a time like this. Shuichi was vulnerable, he was taking advantage of that. Even after he pulled away, Kokichi's touch lingered upon his skin. Part of him wished he had never pulled away. The two sat in silence, besides the tiny sniffles emitting from Kokichi. He had his head turned while Shuichi stared at the blushing male. Was he serious? There's no way he actually…

No. He was lying.

He couldn't possibly…

Could he?

He bit the bullet.  _ It's now or never, I guess.  _ "Y-yeah, I do… I have for a while now." His blush deepened but his face turned into a deeper frown. He really was a contradiction sometimes. Shuichi's mind battled back and forth. While it was true, he didn't feel completely the same but he did feel something. Ashamed, he turned the opposite way. He stayed silent. "I knew you were with Kaede so I never intended on telling you. I knew you didn't feel the same. When you first told me you were with her, I saw how happy you were. I was so damn jealous, it's stupid." He laughed, a forced smile making its way back on to his lips. "I saw how madly in love with her you were and as your friend, I never wanted to take that away from you so I hid my feelings." Shuichi couldn't believe what he was hearing. He's never seen Ouma so serious in his life. His stomach churned as he swallowed down his next few words. "I'm sorry Ouma-kun… I'm with Kaede. I can't—"

He heard a groan from Ouma's direction. "You are driving me fucking insane!" This time, the male had got up. He paced the room back and forth as his eyes followed him suite. "Ouma-kun, I'm sorry but I--"

"Look, I get you might not feel the same. I get you still love her. But listen to me. You deserve better than her. It doesn't have to be me, but you deserve better." He grimaced, his eyes filling with fury. His voice was low and dark. The carpet underneath them seemed to crumble as their conversation unfolded. He continued to stay silent, noting that speaking would only fuel the fire. He really did nothing but hurt people, huh? He ran his fingers through his hair, continuing to pace back and forth. "Shuichi, I love you. I love you so much it… it hurts. I don't care if you don't feel the same, as your friend, I want you safe. I want you to be happy." Falling to his knees, his tears streamed down his cheeks onto his lips the salty taste leaving its trail. His eyes had begun to grow wide. He used his first name. Kokichi Ouma called him by his first name.

His heart flipped in a way it hasn't in a while. He had a pain in his chest but this time, it was different. It wasn't like before. Red rushed towards his cheeks as he glanced down at the sobbing male in front of him. His glossy amethyst eyes stared back at him with misery. The sheer desperation in his voice matched his eyes. He really wasn't lying. The real Kokichi Ouma was staring back at him. The real insecure, jealous, worried Kokichi was begging for him, pleading for him to listen. Shuichi was weak in his knees. He collapsed onto the floor alongside Kokichi. He pulled him into a warm embrace, the tiny frame seemed to cave into his skin. Not caring about the pain he felt on his chest, he continued to pull him closer. His heart raced as did his mind. He hoped that what he was doing was right. "S-Shuichi…?" He held him tighter. The warmth of his body felt like home. His arms surrounding Kokichi felt like they belonged there. 

"I don't know if what I feel is real or not but I'm willing to give it a try. I thought you were happy, I'm sorry. It's all my damn fault." Those three sentences both saddened yet gave him hope. His heart flipped tenfold as his now dry tears stained his reddened cheeks. "It's not your fault. I-I don't want your pity. Don't force yourself on me, Shuichi. That's cruel." He giggled, a tear or two spewing out his purple eyes once more. Shuichi lifted his face with his chin. He gently caressed his tear stained cheek before wiping away the stray tears. This made him freeze in his tracks, mouth agape. "I'm not, Kokichi. I know what I'm doing. I want this. I want you." Feelings of guilt and shame were erased once he looked him in the eyes. He never noticed how truly gorgeous Kokichi was. Even when he was crying, he still shined so brightly. Maybe this actually could work. At least he hoped so. Kokichi laid practically starstruck, his eyes gleaming. He really called him by his first name. A rush of excitement coursed through his veins as he uttered those words. 

He smiled, his eyes creasing along with his lips. "That makes me happy. I'll keep you safe. Trust me, I promise you. I love you, Shuichi." He giggled, hugging back tightly. He could feel his heart beat beneath him. The latter blushed, "D-don't say things like that, Kokichi."

Even though he was truly uncertain of the future ahead of them, he felt safe. The warmth and body heat of Kokichi was enough. It was enough to comfort him. It felt similar to the warmth he felt with Kaede when he first met her. Maybe there was a chance between the two of them. What ever was planned for the pair in the future, he didn't mind. As long as that same warmth remained in both his heart and body, being with Kokichi wouldn't be so bad after all. 


End file.
